Hello lovely humans! I hope everyone is having a great week. Today’s post will take place one year from last week’s post and will be another 2 parter. I know it’s quite the time jump but it all ties into my journey in big ways and brought a lot of new experiences. Throughout that year, however, I did fairly well with my anxiety, I hadn’t had a panic attack and I wasn’t in therapy at the moment. It was a year where I met some new faces, dated a new man on and off – which was fun but did not last because that’s all it was, fun, and started planning a new adventure which led me to a path of self-discovery in many ways. So, let’s get into it!
It was June and I had decided I wanted more travel and exploring under my belt. I found a program in Italy for teaching English to children and once the program is done, they place you at a school anywhere in Italy! The best part, your housing and food are covered the whole time you’re there. Once you have finished the program and are placed at a school, you live with a host family, which so happens to belong to one of your students and they also provide you with your 3 meals daily. I, of course, signed up right away and was to leave in mid-June! The original plan was to go alone, however, one of my colleagues overheard me giving my notice at work and asked how I got into that program. It turned out her daughter, who we’ll call Avery, wanted to do something like that as well. I gave her all the info and met up with Avery one night at a local pub to discuss my itinerary and just like that, she was signing up. We also made a plan to go to Nice, France for a few days before heading to our program in San Remo, Italy as it was easy to take the train from France. We were both so excited we counted the weeks until we left.
We arrived in Nice in the early morning hours with the warm sunshine shimmering down on us. We couldn’t check in just yet but the hotel held our bags until it was time, and though we were tired, we were so excited to get exploring that we headed out onto the cobblestone streets and our picture-taking commenced. Nice is…breathtaking! The scenery is almost unbeatable and the food is exquisite, though I will say, very pricey, except for the wine, it’s cheap and it’s delicious. We reveled on the beachfront until it was time to check in but surprisingly were able to fit quite a bit in until then and being 20-something year old girls we thought, no sleep until night now and quickly readied ourselves for the evening. The 4 days seemed to fly by in a whirlwind. We met some oh-so-sexy guys, ate so much delicious food, hiked up to a lookout point where we got to watch the beautiful sunset amongst the already gorgeous scenery, and consumed copious amounts of good vintage wines. When it was time to leave for San Remo, I wouldn’t say we were sad as we still had so much time in Europe ahead of us, but we were bummed to leave such a pristine town. If I can give any advice when visiting this area of France or even Europe in general, there are so many cute hotels and hostels on www.hostelworld.com that can save you a pretty penny. They may not be fancy or elegant but you can get establishments that have private rooms and are very clean. A huge thing for me when I am traveling is that the place I’m staying in is clean and if it’s an all-inclusive, have decent food. In Europe, you are barely in your room and are most of the time sampling all the local restaurants in and around where you are so it’s not essential that the hotel contains a restaurant, in my opinion. You’re also out exploring and taking various day trips or tours, so your hotel doesn’t need to have all the bells and whistles. I’m not in my 20s anymore and I still use hostelworld.com because it’s a huge break for your wallet.
San Remo is a charming little beach town and our dorm rooms looked out onto the turquoise sea. Our lunchtimes were spent sitting on the beach and having a swim, not too shabby while you’re in school 😉 and on our first evening, after orientation and dinner, our administrators put together a night out for all of us at a beach bar down the road. There, I met a guy, an Irish guy and we will call him Jenson. We bonded straight away and had matching personalities, so much so that we ended up bunking together for the entire program. Now I’m not a believer in “love at first sight” nor did I love Jenson, however, I am a believer in recognizing a connection “at first sight” and that is how I would describe my relationship with Jenson. I never told him about my anxiety or panic attacks and I was ok with that as at this time, I wasn’t really feeling any anxiousness or worry, and spending months in a foreign country I hadn’t been to with no one I knew really well, I was proud at how far I’d come. Was I little worried before leaving Canada, of course, I pushed myself to put that worry to the back of my mind as I knew this was an opportunity, I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to pass up.
During the training program, Jenson and I got into all kinds of trouble. His roommates weren’t always so excited that I practically moved into their room but let’s just say Jenson and I were…active 😉. Besides being a nuisance to his roommates we had a lot of fun and at times would fall asleep on his balcony talking all night about our lives. When the program was over I got placed at a school just outside Rome in a small village called Amelia while Jenson got placed in Torino which was quite the distance apart. Jenson and I decided, however, that we would visit on weekends, and once the session was over we would travel together. As he was with his friend, who we’ll call Colton, they were placed at the same school with a few others from the program, but since I wasn’t with anyone specifically, I was placed at school with an awesome girl, and we’ll call her Sienna. We also got placed at a smaller school which meant we were the only ones from the program there, which definitely was not a bad thing and allowed us to get to know all the students and mix up the classes sometimes for activities.
The one part of this experience that had me feeling a tad anxious was when I arrived at my host family’s. They were a lovely, young family with three kids; a six month old, a 3 year old, and a 6 year old who was one of my students. It wasn’t the fact that I was on my own that had me feeling a bit weary, it was the first night I arrived, I wasn’t really sure what to do and there was a communication barrier so felt like I had no one to talk to. That didn’t last long as the next day Sienna and I headed out to spend the day discovering all Rome had to offer. Funny enough, she was experiencing the same emotions as I was and we were able to come up with a plan to allow us to feel a little less anxious and able to call and visit one another at our host family’s homes when we felt that way. The plan helped, however, with time we were both able to get to know our families better and we became more and more comfortable. They were so generous with us and cooked elaborate three-course meals on the daily, with pasta most of the time being the starter. At the school, we were awarded very long lunches, again three courses, and all the children were so energetic and looked forward to our English classes. Not only did one of my students belong to my host family, another was my neighbor and liked to be my little class helper. Before long the session was over and we’d be moved to another part of Italy and another school. As sad as it was to leave, it meant there was time off coming in the very near future which meant travelling around and discovering even more new places.
I always said I never wanted my anxiety and panic to determine any course of action I took, no matter how scared or anxious I was and I’m proud to say that I haven’t yet. Of course, sometimes, it feels like I’ll never be able to do “XYZ” but I push myself to make it happen, especially when it’s an experience like this that I really want to do and know that I would hypothetically kick myself for if I don’t. Sometimes I’m so nervous the butterflies in my stomach are going berserk and sweat is dripping from my underarms and hands, yet I know and tell myself, I am going to do this, I need to do this for me! It doesn’t always control the feelings I’m experiencing but as soon as I’ve plunged myself in, it’s all worth it 😊 when it’s something you know you really want and just really need to do, tell yourself, holding back will only cause you more fear for you won’t be able to experience the positivity that comes from taking the plunge. Your thoughts and fears will try to deter you but with all your might push them to the back and take the leap. I know I have written very similarly in previous posts but that’s because I truly believe that every time you don’t let those thoughts or feelings of anxiousness interfere, it lessens them in the future.
Be kind to yourself xo