Hello everyone! I hope you all are excited for sunnier skies and spring weather. Today we will be doing things a bit differently and going to talk about travelling with anxiety. Whether you’re on a solo adventure, destination wedding, group trip, or just with your partner and how anxiety can be managed and alleviated when you don’t have the familiarity of home. Then, in my next post, we will continue to where I arrive in BC. With that, let’s get to it!
The first time I traveled, when my anxiety was getting worse, was back in 2007. I was joining my then-boyfriend, Jack, who you’ve read about in my earlier posts and his family in Acapulco and Mexico City. At this stage, I was deathly afraid of flying and I had flown every year as my mom and I had a yearly trip to the Riviera Maya for the past 5 years but I was so afraid I would sometimes full-on cry during take-off. Take-off was the worst part of the flight for me as my intrusive thoughts came at lightning speed, making me believe the plane couldn’t possibly fly up to the sky and it was surely going to fall back. Well this time, I wasn’t flying with a family member, instead I was to be flying with Jack’s brother’s girlfriend who you’ve also read about in my earlier posts; Lauren. At this point, we had only known one another a couple of months, and though we had hung out once or twice, it was always with Jack and his brother. That being said she wasn’t quite familiar with my anxiety & panic yet, so I informed her I had a fear of flying. To add some comic relief to this fear, I was a travel agent then, an anxious travel agent with a fear of flying. As I always told myself, my fears and anxiety would not stop me from doing what I desired, no matter how fearful, I boarded the plane. Once up in the air, I would begin to calm, until we hit a long enough patch of turbulence and again there my thoughts would go, out of control that we were falling to the ground. On that trip, Lauren could see the fear on my face and she sweetly put her arm around me. As I began to calm once again, I looked around at everyone on the flight and realized this rocking of the plane didn’t phase them and when I spotted a flight attendant, she wasn’t freaking out either. Eventually, my anxiety eased and I fell asleep until we began to descend into Mexico City.
Our brains work in mysterious ways, I mean how is it that I was so afraid from the time I boarded the aircraft, ease slightly in the air until of course the turbulence, and only when I feel the sweet feeling of descent am I ok? I never thought; “what could go wrong during descent?” All I felt was alleviation taking place. I, like others, couldn’t understand it and I just chalked it up to one of those things that we couldn’t find logic in, a bit like the feelings and thoughts during panic attacks, logic doesn’t always breakthrough. How did I even begin to get myself on the plane in the first place? Why throw myself into the face of anxiety? Because this is something I truly wanted to do. I always practice self-talk and acknowledge the fear and worry that was ever so present. I would ask myself “What kind of feelings and thoughts will I experience if I don’t do this?” Regret? Anger? I sure wasn’t going to create a habit where I let fear control my decisions. That was one of the biggest things that allowed me to push through. Travel and adventure was something I craved and I wasn’t about to let anxiety hold me back. The practice of self-talk – positive self-talk – can work if you make it almost normal. I’ve heard this tip before and would roll my eyes because I didn’t think for a second it could help. But, before I knew it, it was something I was doing when I packed my suitcase when I was in line at the airport. I tell myself “I am going to do this!” Another thing I mentioned in an earlier post is that I was raised Catholic and though I don’t practice the religion, I do believe in God. So, before boarding a flight I will say a few prayers for myself and the passengers and that really helps to 😊
When it came to flying and traveling alone, this was a concept I didn’t think I could get behind, but when you have the drive for travel and adventure like I do this becomes inevitable. Have you ever heard of exposure therapy? Well, it’s a form of CBT that takes place with your therapist or licensed mental health professional. After having had quite a few sessions with my therapist, I would sometimes try and practice on my own. I mention this as in 2009 I was about to embark on my Colombian adventure with Antonio, who you’ve definitely read about in my posts. Only in this adventure, I would be flying alone, for the first time ever! Now I’m not entirely sure if this classifies as exposure therapy but I will say this; after having flown, on a 1-hour flight to New York alone, an 8-hour layover alone, and then a 6.5-hour flight to Bogota alone, my fear and anxiety went away and I was no longer afraid to fly anymore. It was as if all the fear left as soon as I landed in Bogota, the fact that I just got on my longest flight yet and by myself and survived, I was left feeling so accomplished and proud. Don’t get me wrong, I still pray before my flights but I no longer fear that something bad will happen and I am often asleep before and during take off!! Real CBT exposure therapy, however, I am a huge supporter of. A therapist’s office is a safe space and they will create an environment where they begin slowly, to “expose” you to things or instances you fear. In the beginning, it’s probable that you will be afraid and/or uneasy but eventually(the timeframe depends on the individual) that fear is significantly reduced. One book that I absolutely love, which was recommended to me by a psychotherapist a few years ago, and still have a copy of on my nightstand is The Seventh Edition of: “The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook” by Edmond J. Bourne, Ph.D. and it dives into exposure therapy a fair bit but is also a great guide with exercises to try right at your disposal. When I was learning about CBT & exposure therapy I didn’t have this book as I worked with a therapist at the time quite consistently and weekly and did research online but this book is truly helpful and provides some great resources too. You can even take it with you when you travel and if you do start to experience any anxiety & panic, you can do one of the exercises, even if it’s one you have done before. It will help you remember some of the ways you begin to calm in more familiar territory.
In 2010 I made the decision to move to Italy and work there for the summer. I had 2 trips in between Colombia and this adventure and still, the fear of flying was totally gone. This time I would be there for just shy of three months and would know no one, live in a dorm with others I did not know, from all over the world, to eventually be placed to live with an Italian family I did not know. It was a daunting thought, to say the least, but the thought that popped in even more was the fact that if I got a panic attack while I was there, what was I to do? To assist with the fear of a panic attack and the fact it could hit while I knew no one and may not have anyone to talk to about it was more positive self-talk to start. I told myself that I conquered the fear of flying which I thought would never happen and proved myself wrong. I reminded myself of how proud I was of myself and that glorious feeling that washed over me once I had done it and that that glorious feeling would happen again once I took the plunge into the unknown of traveling alone. That’s not all that helped though, I would be lying if I said it was, but what I felt really tied into the positive self-talk and positive affirmations was taking time out to breathe and meditate. Now, I have a wandering mind so sitting in a quiet room with no noise and my eyes closed isn’t always best for me but when practicing controlled deep breathing with guided yoga practices, it allows you to be in the present and focus on your positive affirmations. I like to think of it as truly being kind to yourself and giving your mind and body love and care. Taking a moment away from the hectic work day or the errands you need to do and know you will get done, can really help you calm your mind and allow you to thank your body for all the wonderful things it does for you. This honestly helps you put things into perspective and is a great reminder of how you can do this when you travel. It will lessen the intrusive thoughts and the worry that surround you from taking this step, it will help you garner that bravery to go take this leap and you will be thankful. It creates a different mindset and one that will let you turn your worry around. Suffice it to say, I took the plunge and headed to Italy. There were periods of little anxiety but the sense of accomplishment of what I had been doing overrode it for the most part. It also helped that I’m super social (which was also part of my positive self-talk and reminding to myself) and met a great group of people who became friends so by the time I moved in with the family, I didn’t feel totally alone. Except for the first night with the family as it was a little overwhelming and lonely but by the next morning Sienna and I already had plans to explore together and day by day the family and myself got to know one better 😊
Traveling is such an exhilarating experience, stepping into unknown places can be scary but it’s such a soulful experience. There is such a big world out there with so much to learn, see and do and once you start it’s unlikely you will ever stop! I hope some of the techniques I used helps you be able to shut those anxious thoughts off and get you on your next adventure 😊
Be kind to yourself xo