Hello beautiful humans, I hope everyone is finally enjoying the hot, sunny, summer weather!! It’s been a long time coming. Today we will pick up where we left off in my last post and will talk about how my relationship with my husband, Bruce, began. Anxiety isn’t a huge factor in this blog post but I do explain how I brought it up with Bruce and what it looks like when someone truly cares about your mental health and wants to try to help. I have had, relationships and flirtationships and sometimes special friendships before him that were understanding, however, none had gone to such lengths to try and understand how to help me. With that, let’s dig in!
It was the middle of July and the summer weather couldn’t have been more perfect. The sun was a constant ray of light, with no humidity but 30 degrees almost daily. Sicamous is the perfect place to summer from swimming in the Shuswap, boating and paddle boarding and of course, meeting the groups of tourists that help us make money! One night after work, one of the bartenders, who we’ll call Bennett, invited me to a get-together at his place and I accepted. Shortly after I arrived guess who walks through the door…Bruce! By this point, we had gotten to know one another better and I didn’t dislike him as much as I did during our first meeting. Some nights when I would be closing up and only he and I remained at the restaurant, he would graciously offer to wait until I was finished. In return, I would get him a beer and give him a ride home since he doesn’t drive. The more time we spent actually speaking to one another the more intrigued I became. Suffice it to say, when he arrived at the get-together I was not disappointed. Bruce’s personality isn’t for everyone or for the faint of heart but it is for me. Sure he’s sarcastic and has “resting bitch face” but something was there that pulled me more towards him. When the night wound down and most people had gone, Bruce and I shared our first kiss 😊 and yes, I felt all the tingles and butterflies. When Bennett and his roommates, one of which was Phoenix, went to bed, Bruce and I stayed up and talked but ended up falling asleep on the couches that were next to each other. When I awoke in the morning I looked up to see he had been holding my hand the whole night from the other couch and from then on, I was hooked.
Our first date took place a few days after. We headed to the beach for some drinks and talked while watching the sunset. After we headed to his place to watch a movie and meet his cat (we both have a strong love for cats) and I assured him there would be no funny business, and there wasn’t. We ended a great evening and planned another where he cooked me a three course meal and then we went to play mini put. Again, no funny business took place. When I feel like I can really have feelings for someone and want to see which direction it will go in, I refrain from sex for a while until I know what it is. When feelings like this are involved it’s a whole other ballgame. Things went great and there was no pressure from him to have sex either, he was a gentleman. We spent the summer working together (which did not turn into a disaster) and progressing our relationship and as summer was coming to an end we were closer then ever. Around the 6 month mark we decided to move in together. I know what some of you may be thinking; “That’s a bit quick?” but it didn’t feel quick to us, it felt right and we found an apartment very close to work with a decent view of the mountains as well. We even adopted another cat to play and keep his cat company! We were headed in a direction that we both felt good about 😊
I hadn’t been feeling much anxiety since the beginning of our relationship but around the 4 month mark is when I decided to have a conversation with him. I explained to him everything I had gone through when it just began and how I’ve sought help and will still seek it from a professional when I need it, and what skills I have gained along the way to help me cope and thrive. He hadn’t really been around anyone who had suffered from anxiety and panic before and did confess that he thought it wasn’t a real thing for the longest time. He also confessed that he didn’t understand it or the fact that intrusive thoughts can have such a hold over someone. Bruce, I learned, is a very factual person. He wants the facts laid out for him, the percentage that something will work, and will research to see what the possibility is for a positive outcome before taking on certain new things. This didn’t make me feel the greatest as I had struggled for a long while with minimal resources and with those closest to me who had no idea what could be going on with me and why I couldn’t just change my thoughts. I felt I had come so far with my anxiety and panic, hours of research, hours in therapy, friends and family now understood what I was going through; did I really want to have to try and convince someone about what I sometimes felt or thought? But this ended up not being the case. As much as Bruce didn’t understand, he took the initiative and put in research to learn more about my mental health issue. We talked more in-depth about what I feel during an attack and what it’s like for me when anxiety happens without the attack. He listened, to everything.
One day, after we moved in together, he told me that he was searching for ways that he could help me when anxiety was high or if I was having an attack. I thought that was the most considerate thing ever! No one had done that for me before. One thing he found, that we used, was a scale from 1 to 10. He said that anytime I was feeling strong anxiety and hit a panic attack to tell him and he would ask me to rate the severity from 1 to 10. He was very good at helping me calm and reminding me to use my deep breathing if I was lower than a 9 or 10. When I was at the highest level, he would try and help me not only with my breath but distract me and show me a game or a YouTube video he was watching. It worked! During an attack, it didn’t immediately work, however, it did help bring me back to the present and helped the attack subside quicker than normal. I was in awe of him. He was definitely special and went on to show, that no matter how much you don’t understand, it doesn’t mean you can’t try 😊
I will end it here for this post, however, I just wanted to show that no matter how much you may not understand mental health issues, there is always room to learn. It doesn’t mean that some won’t get frustrated because they might. Sometimes their frustration comes from not being able to help more and because they don’t want to see you struggle. For others, it’s hard for them to realize that as much as they are frustrated, they don’t think about what we go through and how it makes us feel and it’s those that should take the time to try and learn more about what is happening to us when we’re in a state of panic and anxiety. Today there is a wide array of resources, a ton more than what there was when I first started dealing with anxiety. One website I do recommend if you struggle with panic and anxiety or if you would like someone you care about to learn more and possibly learn some ways to help is https://www.anxietycanada.com/. This site provides great resources and courses too!
Be kind to yourself xo