Hello Beautiful People!! I hope everyone is doing well and soaking up the mid-summer sun! I’m going to separate this post into 2 parts as there is quite a bit of information and background to share.
A couple of years after college, 3 jobs, and 2 years of a relationship later, my panic attacks crept in and reoccurred slightly more frequently. I had finally found a job that offered more stability and more $$ and my relationship was still growing and going. I didn’t talk about my panic attacks at work as I was still very much afraid of what some may think of me. Especially my employer, what if I was fired for this? At this time, resources were still scarce, and from what I could see, still minimal was present on the internet.
About a month into this new job, the weird, scary feeling that would happen after the attacks kept happening…every day. I’d go to work and I thought I was dying, I’d be watching TV and I thought I was dying. It was tormenting me day in and day out. My boyfriend at the time knew about my panic attacks so I definitely did talk to him about it and what I was feeling but it proved that that may have been making them worse (more on this in part 2). After putting up with this for just over 5 months and finding nothing new online, I decided, I am calling a therapist!
The one thing my job didn’t offer was benefits which meant a therapist would need to be paid out of pocket so I wanted to ensure I was finding someone legit and with outstanding credentials. At this point, I had let a few more people know that I was suffering from panic attacks and one of those people recommended someone they had previously seen regarding a different issue. As soon as I got the phone number, I called him. We set up an appointment for the following week and I couldn’t wait. I had been freaking out and I felt almost defeated as I had been trying so hard to change my thoughts but they were too intrusive it was difficult.
The initial meeting was more or less an assessment and getting to know me and what I was feeling. It didn’t take much encouragement as I was an open book, spilling everything. He has a calm demeanor to him and told me something that helped me: “I know what you’re going through, I’ve worked with others who deal with the same feelings as you have described.” That sentence helped what felt like a ton of bricks lifted off my shoulders. As this was primarily the assessment meeting, I didn’t have much time to get deep down into everything but he did help me build off the breathing exercises I had learned from Rayna and was still practicing. When inhaling for 4 seconds, slowly ball your hands up into fists in time with your breath and when you begin your 4-second exhale, release the fists in time with your breath. It helps in the moment to focus on something tangible in combination with the deep breathing and changes your thoughts to the present. I do recommend you give it a shot when your thoughts or feelings become scary and weird. In addition, even squeezing a stress ball in time with the deep breathing may also help to re-focus.
His second piece of advice was a book called “Anxiety, Phobias, & Panic” By: Reneau Z. Peurifoy. I was so excited to learn of another resource I bought it the next day. It literally explained everything I would feel, the weirdness and intrusive thoughts, the fear, everything. It also gave a name to feelings and thoughts, “anxiety”. It provided me with so much relief that I carried it in my bag everywhere I went! Like a child with their favorite stuffed animal.
What I’d like you all to take from this post is knowing others go through and feel the same or similar helps in ways you may not imagine. I finally felt like I wasn’t alone, that I wasn’t crazy, and that I wasn’t actually dying. The thoughts would still occur at times as I learned anxiety can cause those but knowing others out there were going through these similar obstacles provides comfort. As well as having that book, provided me with knowledge and information I never thought I would find, and that helped alleviate some of the fear that my thoughts were true.
Today we have so many more resources and articles and books at our disposal so it makes it easier to get information into what you may be feeling and thinking. A few years ago, I found forums online and in-person group sessions that can really help put things in perspective and assist in your own journey with anxiety. I definitely encourage you to search for groups in your community or online forums because knowing you’re not alone and there are people close by, helps you get through these periods of anxiousness and fear.
Until next time xo be kind to yourself