Hello lovely humans! I hope everyone is keeping warm and staying cozy 😊 Today’s post is going to take place a few months after my Colombian/Venezuelan adventure. It’ll start at the end of summer and make its way to the end of fall. Many changes were happening and I was making some big moves in my life that would create such wonderful opportunities. With that, let’s get to it!
Summer had seemed to quickly come and go and a lot had happened over the course of the season. Back in May me and my mum went to Punta Cana for one of my, then friends, Shaina’s wedding. Since then we had been drifting apart and were both in different places in our lives. Not to mention that I was trying to move forward from negative environments and take a step back from things that weren’t serving me in a positive light. I felt negativity was all Shaina was bringing and it was beginning to affect my stress level which would spark anxiety, so, I decided to step back from our friendship. In July and August, I spent a lot of time with my roommate, whom we’ll call Simona, she was from Colombia and we had a great dynamic where she would cook and I would clean as I cannot cook at all. At the same time, I was “seeing” a Peruvian gentleman, who we’ll call Miguel, but we mostly partied together and had intimate time. He and his group of friends knew my roommate and the friends we had so many fun times came almost every weekend. When the summer came to a close so did the partying for me and Simona. She was beginning a relationship with her good friend, who we’ll call, Hilario, and my “relations” with Miguel had faded out. I found myself wondering what I wanted to do, I felt like a change was needed. Since returning from Italy I worked as a substitute teacher in elementary schools and in the summer at daycares looking after 5-6 year-olds, however, being a sub didn’t always guarantee income and I needed some more excitement as I was beginning to feel in a rut. This caused my anxiety to start mildly, and I knew I needed to do something. I would always tell myself that change isn’t going to happen unless I do something to make it happen!
As September rolled around I contacted the company who had assisted me in finding the opportunity in Italy with the course and job upon successful completion. I asked if they had any opportunities elsewhere in Europe, preferably in teaching or hospitality if not the former, as I had experience in both. They asked how I felt about England as they always had hospitality openings with live in options and they could also help with the visa process once a job was secured. “YES!” I answered excitedly and within a few weeks, I interviewed, secured a job and began the visa process. The entire process took about a month and a half and we agreed on a start date in late October. Soon came emails with all the details regarding housing, setting up bank accounts, the infamous NHS Health Care System, and the meals they provided daily which were breakfast and dinner. I was doing it and so excited but also so anxious as I could really be there for 2 years (my visa was for this amount of time), and I wasn’t sure what would happen. The uncertainty of everything was making me fearful but I put into practice the mechanisms I’d learned to date; the deep breathing in time with applying pressure to the stress ball, taking a walk, and doing exercises from my “Anxiety and Worry” workbook, to calm down. What helped the most was speaking positively to myself, remembering that I always told myself that my anxiety would not control the paths I took. It didn’t take much of the fear away but it made me optimistic. I started creating a rhythm like the therapist had told me to and taping my thigh along with it. I wasn’t seeing a therapist at this point anymore so I would sometimes check online for additional techniques that I hadn’t already learned, there were much more online now than before. One of the strategies that I found helpful is called “Cognitive Reframing” which challenges you to examine your thought patterns. By doing so you get different perspectives, and it helps to write your thoughts down and see the words. It can help if you write your reactions to the thoughts as well. I had been learning about “CBT” (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) while seeing the therapist as it truly helps reduce anxiety symptoms, and challenging and examining your thoughts is part of it, though I had only learned this aspect of CBT through my research. It may seem frightening at first to examine the intrusive thoughts but once you see them on paper, you begin to address the patterns they are causing and alleviate negative emotions you may run into. Some CBT strategies, however, are best to do with a therapist so be mindful when choosing mechanisms you think will help.
When October arrived I had moved out of my apartment and Hilario took over my part of the lease, I would be staying with my mum until it was time to move. Lots had to be done, in terms of packing, getting rid of stuff, banking, etc. all while I was still working until a week before moving day. When the time approached I had 2 suitcases ready with everything I needed and wanted to bring. Of course, both these suitcases ended up being too over the weight limit and, to my shock, it was cheaper for me to pay the difference and take the last first-class seat on the plane. I was feeling emotional, to say the least, this wasn’t just a summer I was to be gone for but up to 2 years! While my emotions were at an all-time high I was also feeling brave and proud of myself for taking this giant leap and not letting my anxiety, fears, and emotions get in the way, I was doing this for me 😊
I will leave you there for this post and hope I was able to provide some helpful insight into what helped me through my anxiety at that stage. I do want to reiterate, that what CBT strategies may work for some may not work for others. As I had worked with a therapist before my online research I was aware of what I could try on my own already. So if you don’t feel comfortable taking on some of the strategies, please try and seek out a therapist or a mental health professional first! Before I sign off, remember Jenson? Well, as I said in the “European Adventures and Anxiety” blog post,that wasn’t the end of us and my new journey that I was embarking started in Dublin, Ireland where I headed to visit Jenson prior to my move to England. Stay tuned!
Be kind to yourself xo