Hello lovelies! I know there has been a significant delay in posts, more than a couple of months, but it has been a hectic few months, to say the least. I will be detailing the last few months in this post, as it will also shed some light on how I navigated through these instances. With that, let’s get this show on the road.
Back in April, I incurred an accident that rendered me immobile for 6 weeks. 6 weeks with no walking and only using crutches for short distances within my apartment. What happened, you might ask? Well, I was in the hallway in my building, and when one of my neighbours opened the door to her unit, her dog ran out and attacked me. Now, I don’t have anything against any dog breeds; my issue is usually with the owners and how they are caring for and training their pets. The dog that attacked me was a 3-year-old pitbull, unfortunately. First, he bit the inside of my left thigh, which knocked me over, then he began biting different parts of my ankle before settling on my foot and would not let go. His mouth covered the majority of my foot, and his jaw seemed to lock. Blood began pouring out and onto the hallway floor. Well, my neighbour, his owner, did nothing to help me. I yelled for her to call 911, to which she responded, “No, I will get into trouble” and continued to watch while I finally got the dog off my foot.
As I was unable to move, blood continued to pour out onto the hallway floor while she continued to do nothing. Luckily, another neighbour overheard the commotion and came to me with paper towels and called 911 as well as Bruce. At that moment, when I got a better look at my foot and all the blood coming out of it, I had a panic attack. My heart began to race very quickly, and I started to feel very weak and lightheaded. The nice neighbour who called who I needed, helped me crawl into her unit and propped me up against the wall. She gave me some water as I was still panicking and asking her “if I was dying” as there was just so much blood, and I thought the worst. After some cold water and putting pressure on my foot wounds, I slowly calmed down. Shortly after, Bruce arrived and took a look at my wounds carefully while we waited for paramedics.
I was able to recount the story to the paramedics and again to by-law before the ambulance took me to the hospital. I did my best and put the panic behind me, and focused on what the paramedics and, eventually, doctors would instruct me to do. After x-rays and testing of my tendons, I was thankfully informed that they were not damaged, and no nerve damage was evident either. I was ecstatic! I could dance before I could walk; had I sustained that kind of damage and not been able to dance, I would have been crushed. With that out of the way, I was informed I would need stitches to both the top and bottom of my foot. Let me tell you, while the top of the foot is no walk in the park, the bottom…I literally screamed and cried throughout the whole process. The orthopedic surgeon informed me I would not be able to put my foot down for at least and would need crutches to get around. 2 weeks turned into 4 and 4 into 6. Every 2 weeks I had to go back to the surgeon to see the status of my healing and finally by the 6th week I was told I could walk with a cane and finally put my foot down. 2 weeks later I was able to limp without the cane and slowly got better. Don’t get me wrong, it will still swell and ache at times, but it’s much better than what it was, and it felt like a very long road, and here’s why.
Not only was I in pain for the first little while, but being unable to walk and only getting around on crutches meant I couldn’t even hop to my kitchen to get a cup of coffee and hop back to sit down with it. I had to rely on someone, especially the first 2 weeks, for everything. Even after the first 2 weeks, as per the doctor’s orders, I was still unable to walk or risk the wound getting infected and possibly having something go wrong with it. Once the 4th week mark hit, I began to go a bit stir crazy. I’m normally very active, always doing something, whether it’s my Burlesque, ballroom, the gym, doing background acting work on movies and TV or going out with friends, I am usually always doing something. I may have a day or two where I’m not doing something, but never 4 weeks. It started to cause anxiety almost daily and made me feel really sad. At week 5, I decided to go visit my brother as I knew he and his fiancée would be able to help me get around, and it would at least get me out of the house. It felt great to just not be on my couch, feeling like I was helpless. Doing that periodically over the week honestly helped me so much in terms of dealing with the anxiety and the sadness it brought. I was also able to do virtual meetings with my therapist, which also helped be able to open up about what I was feeling in neutral territory and receive advice on what I could do to alleviate my anxiety without being able to walk around. She did provide some helpful exercises and activities that would help get my mind off the anxiety on focus on the present and how far I’ve actually come in my recovery. I will include a link at the bottom of the post of where you can find these activities in case you need help staying grounded.
I will say I had 3 friends who took the time to come and visit me when they could, and it honestly brought me so much joy to have them there with me. Of course, I couldn’t be active, but it did help me in ways to forget the anxiousness and sadness I was feeling. I had also received an outpouring of messages from friends, which also warmed my heart so much. Their kind words and messages of support meant so much to me. It also showed me, in times of need, who my friends really were. Some, who I thought were close to me, ended up not being present at all, and didn’t even send a message. I’m not saying this is something I expected or should expect, but it just went to show me who is there in the important times when you need it the most. Everyone has something going on in their lives, but to take time out to send a quick message, honestly, makes a difference. It really did help me progress in my recovery and stay positive that it was coming along.
I will leave you there for this post. I just wanted to reiterate, when the injury happened, yes, I panicked, but I also found that I was actually able to calm myself down a lot quicker in this situation than I am when I’m panicking, but nothing is actually happening. It made me think things through differently, and I am hoping it is something I can hold onto when I do get a panic attack out of nowhere. And now for the link to activities: https://ctrinstitute.com/resources/printable-handouts. There is a slew of free resources that may just be what you’re looking for. WARNING: There are not only anxiety-based resources, but there are also ones that cover the topics of violence and suicide. If this is a trigger for you, I don’t recommend clicking the link. We all have triggers that can sometimes pop up on us in certain circumstances, and so please be mindful.
Be kind to yourself xo