Hello gorgeous humans! The hot weather is finally upon us and the air has all the scents of summer 😊 In the last post we discussed my meeting with Bruce and so, which is not, by any means the end of my journey because really I am still on it but I will be changing things up a bit to discuss what I have learned in certain situations when it comes to anxiety. Having an anxiety disorder like my own, I have learned a slew of coping strategies and as I have mentioned previously, what may not work for me may work for others and vice versa. I also have an abundance of resources that I’ve accumulated, and new ones I continue to read as it can sometimes be difficult to find the right techniques, books, exercises, etc. I will sometimes still refer to examples of situations I have been in or someone I know (again, I never use real names) to describe how it worked and what steps were taken. As summer is here and more events tend to take place this time of year, I thought I would discuss anxiety in social events/situations. I by no means have social anxiety and those who know me know I talk to everyone and am a social butterfly but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel anxiety or panic when I am at one of these events at times. So with that, let’s get down to business!!
Anxiety can come in all kinds of forms, for myself, it can create panic attacks which makes it difficult in certain situations. Even if I’ve had a panic attack before going to an event sometimes the thoughts that it will happen again stay with me and in turn, create more anxiousness. I will still go to the event, however, avoidance, I have read, can feed your anxiety more. I mentioned before that I haven’t let my anxiety dictate my actions, I do the things I want to do even if sometimes I become so scared I will have a panic attack while I am doing them. More often than not, the panic attack won’t happen again even though my mind may be trying to psych myself out. If it does happen again, there are some ways you can help alleviate it.
First things first, if you can go outside, fresh air helps calm the nervous system (for me anyway) and the colder the better. If you’re a person who prefers to be alone when panic strikes find a quiet place away from the event if not outside. If you don’t like to be alone when this happens you can call someone or ask the person you feel a close friendship with at the event to go outside with you.
Second, I can’t seem to get my thoughts in order when I panic and all logic seems to go out the window so, what a therapist once told me is to focus on my deep breathing. Deep inhale for 4 minutes and long exhale for 4 to 7 minutes. When it feels like you’re coming down, she taught me about something called a “Physiological Sigh”. She explained that this method can help me calm down a bit quicker than deep breathing alone and she’s right, it really does work! I did some research on it myself and you can find out more here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/care-your-psyche/202208/using-sighs-soothing or if you have a therapist, I recommend you ask them about it and show you how to do it properly. It alleviates the panic quicker and can sometimes help your mood as well.
Once the first two steps are complete and I am calm again, I stay outside as long as I need, normally with a friend, until I am ready to go back inside. I have not left a place due to this as I do not want that to become a habit and ruin my nights out. Going back to the event or party after the attack can sometimes be a good distraction from what just happened. When you do return home I recommend a few things so you can reflect on what happened. When my panic strikes, I feel and think I am dying or can’t breathe so the steps above are paramount for me in the attack itself and whether I am at a party or not, the next steps I take, I cannot do during the attack anyway so I do these after the attack. It doesn’t have to be straight after but when you can. Again, all logic is out the window during the attack, for me. Even if you’re not a fan of journalling, and I know I have mentioned this before, a thought diary can considerably help. You can find a template here: https://thinkcbt.com/images/Downloads/Thought_Records/EXAMPLE-CBT-THOUGHT_RECORD-V-THINK-CBT-01072020.pdf and it will show you that more often than not, there is no evidence towards the thoughts you’re having during the attack or if you’re anxious before the attack. It also helps to reference this diary and make it routine so that when you feel anxiousness setting in you can think back to the diary and see that these thoughts have occurred before and you eventually got through them, before you’re at a full-on “10” (please see last post for rating scale). If you’re skeptical about trying it out on your own, as I mentioned previously, work with a therapist the first time you try the diary. I know I have spoken about CBT before and getting into it alone can be scary if you haven’t worked with CBT before and a therapist can provide a guided environment.
Another resource I want to suggest is the “Mindshift” app. You can download it on your phone and have it with you anytime panic and anxiety strikes. If you’re at an event and you feel one coming on, follow the first two steps and then pull out your phone and open the app. You can read more about it here: https://www.anxietycanada.com/resources/mindshift-cbt/ . It comes with a variety of tools including a “check-in”, a thought journal, and much more. It also boasts coping cards, which are also beneficial for panic attacks. My therapist had also taught me about this and I do refer to them when I feel my anxiety getting high or after an attack. It helps to go over and repeat the strategies that work for you and it helps calm you once your deep breathing has begun to regulate your nervous system. I like to have 3 coping strategies on hand; touch to help me feel grounded while I describe the texture to myself, “physiological sigh”, and once I do feel calm enough, my thought journal when I can or play one of the brain teasers I’ve downloaded to my phone and it will help take my mind away from the attack that just occurred. Bonus! You can still pull up your coping cards when you’re at an event and no one would be the wiser if you don’t want anyone to know what’s going on, which brings me to the last part of today’s post.
Before I was open about my anxiety and panic disorder and was in situations where attacks could hit; parties, work, meetings, etc, I was terrified that those around me would know what was going on inside. Did I look like the complete mess that was unfolding in me? The answer is..no! No one actually knew, even now, unless I tell someone, no one will actually realize I am having an attack. I know this is something that can add to the stress of an attack and I would like to say, “Who cares what anyone is thinking” but we’re already in quite the stressful situation, I mean “Fight or Flight”, that worrying about what others around us are thinking can happen. A wise friend of mine, who we’ll call Katalina, once told me that those around you at these events, especially ones that are more or less friends you only see at gatherings, have their own shit going on and aren’t even paying attention to you. She was right! They aren’t paying attention and if they do notice something was off with you, chances are they won’t even remember it the next day because they’re dealing with their own stuff. If they do want to talk about it with others after and judge well those aren’t the people you should want to have around anyway. Sure you’ll run into them at events but don’t give them unnecessary energy. Your anxiety does not define you nor should you be judged for it! You are working on and through it and this takes strength.
Until next time when we get into “sexual relationships and anxiety”.
Be kind to yourself xo