Hello hello!! I hope everyone is well and having a great week 
Last post I introduced some very different activities but what I really should have called most of those was big moments! I’m sure quite a few of us, if not all, have big moments that jump out at us and though all won’t be the same or even familiar to all, they are still significant nonetheless. I’m not talking about milestones like birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, etc. either. I’m talking about moments so unexpected they change the course of plans and/or directions that you thought you were headed. These moments, for me, had an effect on my anxiety and panic disorder. I was healing and felt the positivity around me, and though I still saw my therapist, I no longer needed to once a week or even once every 2 weeks. Side note: I’ve seen other therapists since this time and sometimes still do now. I don’t want to give the impression that I was completely done with therapy or help because I wasn’t. I truly believe various types of therapy are so advantageous, even if there isn’t a specific need but just to talk to a professional and neutral party can be helpful. Today, we also have some great free, walk-in clinics that provide counseling support as well. With all that said, I have a couple of more posts in this time frame that will introduce some even more, new adventures…. here we go!!
During the rest of the summer months, we got up to all sorts of shenanigans and I’m proud to report I didn’t have a full-on attack once! While spurts of anxiety came and went I kept up with the exercises from my book that I would revert back to when needed. It takes practice and patience when trying to get in the habit of doing exercises to switch your way of thinking. When anxiety came, I had to push myself to move away from the thoughts that this feeling meant I was dying and instead, as the therapist and book suggested, think of a short positive sentence, or phrase and make it into a catchy rhythm or beat! So, when anxiety hits and your thoughts are on the negative or fear, try and break through by singing your positive phrase and if you’re in public, play it on repeat in your head. You can even tap your fingers on your thigh or chest in tune with the rhythm or beat as it will pull you out of the negative spiral by allowing you to concentrate on your phrase. I really appreciate this trick and will repeat it 10 times in a row if needed
At this stage, I had opened up to Antonio about my anxiety and panic and he was very comforting, always willing me in for a cuddle when needed. I really wasn’t sure how he was going to react but it was clear Antonio and I were forming a special bond. His caring response changed my perception and allowed me to not be as afraid of sharing and I was becoming more open to possibly opening up to more friends.
When summer was all said and done, Antonio and I still continued our regular weekend visits and before we knew it, Christmas was arriving. This year Antonio’s brother asked him to go home to Colombia for the holidays and a couple of months more. While he agreed, he also suggested that I come visit before he heads back to Montreal. This wouldn’t have been a first for me as my family and I frequented various cities in Mexico, including Mexico City, however, it would be the first time I would fly alone, and that fueled my anxiety. I was also horrified of flying! I still did it and on a yearly basis at that but I would always need a pep talk and words of encouragement to help push me onto the plane. This time I would have to brave this on my own, but of course, I agreed. We made a plan of the places he would take me to and listed some accommodations to get the ball rolling. I looked up the cities and they were breathtaking, I really couldn’t wait.
A month and a half after Christmas I was at the airport trying to stop myself from shaking and thinking the plane wouldn’t be stable enough. I knew that I needed to board this 6-hour flight in order to get to where I wanted to be and no amount of anxiety was going to stop me. To my horror, when I stepped on the plane, I found that my seat was in the very last row, at the back. “NO WAY!” I mumbled under my breath and as the plane wasn’t full, a flight attendant allowed me to take a window seat in the middle of the plane. “This is it” I thought as the plane headed for the runway and just like that, we were in the air. Once the flight attendants started giving out the meals I began to settle and the clamminess in my hands had faded, I was even able to nap for an hour! All in all, it wasn’t very different flying alone than it was with someone else, and before I knew it, I arrived in Bogota. This plane ride was actually the beginning of me flying alone without worry or fear as after this time, I flew alone more often than not and the fear eventually went away
Our first night was spent in Bogota and the next morning we’d be up and on another plane to a city called Barranquilla to celebrate and take part in the festivities of Carnaval de Barranquilla! I wasn’t sure what I was going to arrive to but when we got there, I was in love. The city itself was absolutely gorgeous but the colors and the music of the carnival were like none other. The carnival took place day and night for 4 straight days. During the day all the colors came to life with parades and dancing and at night there were singers and bands, and copious amounts of alcohol, including Colombia’s drink; aguardiente. Suffice it to say, we drank a lot, danced a lot, and slept very very little. By the time our 4 days were up and we were moving on to the next city, we were sleep-deprived and could feel a hangover catching up to us but trekked on and hopped a bus to our next city.
It was early morning when we arrived in Cartagena and even though we were exhausted, we threw our bags in our room and headed out. After lunch, however, we shut down and ended up napping until nightfall. Cartagena is…majestic! I travel quite a bit now and this is one of the most stunning cities with one of the nicest beaches. The old town is rich with history and architecture and I just soaked it all in. Antonio brought me to the historic castle which we toured on our own and basked in the tales of history dating back years. By night the old town lights up with music and dancing until the early hours of the morning when you then get breakfast before either hitting the beach or going for a couple of hours of sleep. One of my favorite destinations and I highly recommend to everyone.
Our last stop was San Andres! A small but bustling island with water 7 shades of blue. We decided to rent a scooter for our time there and ride to wherever we needed to go. We definitely didn’t waste any time and did as much as possible. On our first day there we met a local family who took us on their boat and brought us snorkeling and swimming with sting rays, which almost reminded me of puppies in how you call them over with a hand motion and they swim right up to you. Another day, we parked ourselves on a beach where you could walk in shallow waters to a pirate ship in the middle of the water! Our nights were filled with more dancing, eating good food and of course, drinking yummy cocktails. It was absolutely a memorable trip, with many airplanes and first experiences.
This trip showed me that if you push yourself even when it’s uncomfortable, the outcome can be great. I took 5 flights in the span of 2 weeks which completely helped with the anxiety of flying, I swam with sting rays (carefully and while being monitored) which was something that was about to make my hands clammy, and not once was I afraid of a panic attack occurring, in fact I didn’t think about panic attacks at all. Even if it’s little by little, push yourself, especially if it’s something you really want to do but know there will be obstacles along the way. It’s so worth it.
Be kind to yourself xo